If you've ever been
depressed, then maybe you know where I'm coming from. It’s like one minute
you’re fine, and the next minute something happens that makes you think -- i
mean really think -- and then you’re totally empty. The only thoughts that are
in your head are negative and it makes you feel totally alone, like you don't
mean anything to anyone. All you want to do is tell someone how you feel, but
you don't want their pity, and even if you could tell someone, nothing would
come out right. You don't want to laugh or smile, or whine, or argue, or even
be stubborn or difficult, you just want to go to bed and cry and hope this
feeling passes, and sometimes it does, but it always seems to come back. You
think that all your friends hate you and only talk to you because they feel bad
for you. You know complete strangers judge you just because of how you look and
how you act, and when you think about how you’re not as beautiful as the crowd
that surrounds you, it makes you feel even worse. And of the two people that
are supposed to love you the most in the world, one left you, and the other has
to scream at you sometimes because they get angry and upset too. You feel like
you will probably search your whole life for that one person that you can
totally trust that you can love forever, who will never ever hurt you, but you
know somewhere deep down that you'll probably never find him. He probably
doesn't even exist, so you just give up, you want so desperately to be alone,
but at the same time you fear it so much. You know how it feels to know that
you’re a bad person, to let your friends down and always be selfish, isolated,
self conscious, bitter, whiny, and obsessive. You listen to what everyone else
has to say, but you never tell them how YOU feel, because that would mean
revealing part of yourself, and you just can't do that; you can't let anyone
really know you. And your opinion wouldn't matter to them anyway, and most of
all if you took the time to sit down and try to get all your feelings out for
the first time in your life, it would be completely overwhelming and if anyone
ever listened to all of that, they would have to agree with you 100 percent.
I don’t know what
it is, I just cry sometimes. Maybe I’m just so oblivious to the things going on
around me, that I don’t realize that I’m hurting as much as I am, so when the
tears stream down my face & I don’t have anything to say, don’t ask me why
I’m crying, because I simply don’t know, just hold me, I just want to be held...
