Cheerfully Cheerless! :)

Do you know that feeling of being a cheerer but you yourself are hiding something that no one can ever cheer you up? It sucks... I used to stay up late at night because I used to build some big fantasies. Listening to stupid love songs, recalling some cute memories (but ended up on pain but not all), imagining huge and spectacular illusion - all those routine are the best thing I could ever do whenever I'm lonely and isolated. Strange right?

I'm that type of person who loves to be alone rather than be in the crowd. I'd prefer being by myself drinking some coffee and read books. I guess being in that life is more comfortable than meeting new friends (though it's more interesting).

Have you ever consider yourself being rude and useless? Because I used to bear that feeling. Not that people rejects me at all but I'm just afraid to accept critics from them. It's my fear. Being rejected by someone pushes me out to my comfort zone. I'm afraid of something that is unknown. But I'm trying to build my whole confidence and I guess I'm doing my job to develop it and trying to take any risk in every opportunity I faced to grow in different direction. I will never allow my low self esteem to penetrate my whole self and let it rule into my entire life... I will never allow insecurities to damage my focus. I know it's easy to say all these words but this is the least and the first thing to do as I'm going to step into another level of the process of developing my loner-syndrome....AFTER ALL, WHO KNOWS THROUGH THIS STEPS, I'LL BE ABLE TO CONQUER ALL MY FEARS AND BE A PROUD WOMAN IN THE FUTURE...BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE THAT I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SET MY MORAL COMPASS.....

-RECHEL :)

(Cheering Up Alone)