Tell me this Pain will Calm Down...

I HATE LOVING YOU, I'D LOVE TO HATE YOU,, BUT I CAN'T GIVE UP LOVING YOU. Okay, I don't really know what would I say or how I felt for now... disappointed, upset, I don't know, I just wanna type every single word that would fit the line, "YES, I'M IN PAIN"... and that what makes me feel that I'm so O.A.. but sometimes, you just need a good cry even if you don't know the reason why you're crying.

It hurts when a person who made you feel soooo special yesterday, makes you feel like the most unwanted person today. HELLO! Ambot nimo uyy, sakit baya pud, walang paki-alaman ang show pare? Why? Would you tell me the very exact reason why you're doing this to me? What about the memories we had before? Kalimtanay ang show? Agad-agad? THEN FINE! If I'm going to leave you, would that make you happy? Ikaw gud, I would accept it and I would respect on your decision hindi 'yung iniiwas-iwasan mo ako agad without even telling even a word. If leaving you alone would make you happy, I'LL GO FOR IT. Surely it hurts but we have our own decisions and I understand it. What I didn't understand is why you're trying to avoid me and without even asking how am I or even a simple text like before.....

If only he knew how it hurts me badly everytime I used to remember the love and care he gave unto me... if I only knew that he would hang me up like this way, without even holding on anything, I were not be able to allow myself to took any risk before. If he just warned me that we did beyond our limitations.. I were be able to stop myself. I HATE YOU! Paramis, I hate you because I can't fully understand why you have to do this to me.. I hate you because I can't comprehend why I have to be hurt this way... I hate you because you just hang up me like this without even giving a clue... Why, why am I dying inside.  I miss the old him so much.  I have no idea why he left?  Why did I have to be the one to leave? 

How do I get over this pain?  Was it all a cruel joke?  I feel so pathetic, that after all this pain he has caused me, I want him to call.  Maybe I was a total disappointed to him, an upset or a pure bad influence girl who's trying to ruin his life.. but my love for him was real!  I don't know why I'm writing this, just need someone to tell me this pain will calm down...


I JUST THOUGHT THAT HE'D ALWAYS BE HERE FOR ME :(