I tell you this before I regret...

Seconds, minutes, hours pass in silence. Suddenly you realize days have already passed, weeks or even months. You think of only one person. You have been away from him for far too long. You don't know what you are feeling. Girl, you miss him. You miss him a lot.

First, here I am very happy. Feeling everything is good, feeling that everything is perfect. Then, a sudden turn of events. Misunderstanding or arguments happen. Then, bang He left without leaving me anything. Only happy and bitter memories. Before, it seemed that I loved everything, everyone. It seemed like I knew everything perfectly. I had my inspiration. Now, it's gone. I suddenly find myself in a room full of people. People I know, but there is one person I suddenly don't know. I see her looking right at me, she seems familiar like someone I used to know perfectly still, I don't know her. After a while, I stop staring at myself in front of the mirror. I realize that person I don't know is—me myself. I don't know what or who I want. I can't concentrate on anything anymore. My world is suddenly surrounded by mixture of feelings-- pain, anger, love and longing.

What should I do with this? What will I do with this suddenly weird life I have? Should I forget that person entirely? Should I push myself to forget him? Should I put aside all the memories we had? Should I pretend that everything is fine and that he never existed in my life? 

Okay, this is what I do. I bear in my mind that he was a part of my life. He has made a great impact in my life. He made me happy; he made me smile during hard times. He accompanied me when I was lonely. So, I’m thankful for that. He also, in a way, helped mold me into the person I am are right now. 

A lot of memories I have were spent with him. I won’t forget those memories I had with him may it be good or bad. Those good memories could help me please the feeling of longing, or the feeling of emptiness. The bad memories may help me be a better person. It will help me because I will want to avoid feeling the pain I already felt. I can learn from my mistakes from there to avoid more conflicts. Also, those bad memories can help me move on. Move on from the feeling that I still miss him though he has hurt me one too many times.

When I miss someone, I won't push myself to forget him. I miss him, that's natural. He was a part of my life. Of course I miss the times that I was with him. So, I savor the moments I have when I see him. Talk to him; ask what he is up to these days. At least I am still being a part of his life. Missing someone isn't bad. I never push myself to do stuff I don't want to do. I will just add more burden and pain to myself. I just let the feeling pass naturally. It would be better to let the feeling go away than hurt myself intentionally just to forget him or to get over missing him.

Also, I should not pretend that everything is just fine even when it's not. I should not act that I can deal with it easily. I will be lying to the people around me and I will be lying to myself. If I miss him, I admit it to myself. I can even admit it to him that I miss him; I won't lose anything once I tell him. I would not know he might be missing me too. Then we can have time again for each other to bond, to patch things up or to even try to bring back old times. At least when we get to talk to each other, we will be able to update each other. The bond we used to have is there again. Now, when we part ways, it would be parting from the more intimate relationship we had. We can now go back to the first step and at least be friends again. While we are still friends, we treasure those times. I mean I would rather have him in my life as a friend rather than strangers walking pass each other every day right?

I will tell him the truth. Tell him I miss him. At least I admit to myself. Also, I always remember the fact that he was a part of my life. I can have that as a basis for a beginning of a new friendship. I will always remember all the memories we had.  Treasure them always because that is the only thing he can never take away from me. Yes, he got my heart but I will get it back. Our memories, once it's gone, it's impossible to get it back. I will never push myself to forget him. I just let the feeling pass, letting my heart heal its wound, letting my heart grow, letting myself miss him. I will help myself get over missing him but I won't force myself. I won’t live a lie. Lastly, if I miss him, I’ll let him know, I may never know, he might be missing me too and he even might want me back in his life. Now, those old good memories will be added and the bad memories will be replaced.

Lalalala, SemBreak :)

I'm just trying to find something that will make my life a bit bold, reading my PDF file of the book Perks of being a Wallflower and communicate with friends through social networks (twitter, tumblr and facebook).... with foods on the other side of course but it doesn't work. Something's bothering me, something I don't understand but just can't take that something for granted.

I took my semester break at Leyte where I visited my grandma's place. And truly it's worth the stay. 

Oh, it's freakin' sh** when Lola called me and started to say something that made me touched. She told me how badly she missed me and how she missed every single routine we used to do at home before, she even kissed me (which is awkaaard, really) . "LOLAAAA, can you please stop it, my eyes are starting to get wet." She even told me how lonely she is when nobody talks to her at home and feel like she's taken for granted there. I don't believe in that for she's important to all of us but I understand her for I know she's seeking attention so that she can reached out to them (my aunties and my other cousins) .... Oh! I miss her more, if only I could be with her right every moment I would never let her feel empty at my side. 

I tried to crack some jokes on her so that she'll never get bored, we took pictures (Gosh, I made her vain, I'll be uploading our photos soon), eat together... every second I cherished being us together and feel it precious to her. Though it was just a week we'd been together then I went back to Cebu, I know, at least for awhile I made her smile and make her life more worthwhile.

Always,

Rechel

All of a Sudden...

Everything I do just doesn't feel right to me. It feels like there's still a missing piece that I'm trying to find and no matter how much I try to find that missing piece,I can never find it. 

When you miss someone you can't concentrate, you can't think, you can't speak, and you can't feel the way that they make you feel when they're around you. It's not an easy thing to miss someone but just know that you have an amazing heart to be thinking of someone else.

What if we made it this far? How would our lives change? Maybe I would have been a happier person than I am today. But maybe you weren’t what I needed. Although I still believe if we were still together I would have been filled with butterflies’ everyday and love every part of it, I think what I really needed was struggle. I needed to be stronger because I succumbed into being so dependent on someone else always being there for me. I guess this was what God intended for me. Perhaps the goal of life isn’t to find happiness because maybe then we would all grow weary and search for more every time our desires are fulfilled. Who I am today is better than who I was when I was with you. You made me very happy but I could find happiness in everything around me too. I needed to experience letting go of something I held so close to me in order to find my own strength that I didn’t know I had and to fight for everything I believed in. Because even though I didn’t win in the end, it doesn’t mean I didn’t try. I can go on with peace of mind and say I did all that I could.

SORRY, I BECAME SO EMOTIONAL AGAIN… I JUST CAN’T HELP IT!

Always,

-Panda 

When will I snap out of this?

I still love you, I still care about you. So who cares if we are over? Maybe you don’t feel the same way anymore, but I care and I always will. I will still check on you from time to time to have an idea of how you are doing. I will always look after your well-being; I will always love you, even if it has to be done from a distance or without your knowledge. I think I still deserve the right to worry and to care and to love. It may sound martyr, but I have choices, and I know that this is what I want…even if it hurts most of the time. And besides, it’s not like I can stop myself. I just can’t help it. Feelings change over time, they say. Well, I guess my own didn't change. Who knows when will I snap out of this? I don’t. I just know that I still have feelings for you, and I guess it won’t be gone anytime soon.

DANCE OF LIFE!

There were two hearts who met in a dance. That moment was magical, there was a sweet song playing, there was harmony. And soon love in the air. They fell in love and they started building castles in their dreams. And promised forever with all certainty.

But somewhere in the midst of the fun, they got lost in the dance. Something went wrong, but they can never do anything. They were just drifting away, their fortress falling apart. There were so many questions but no one had an answer. Then the music stopped, then there was silence.

When we truly love someone we give our best and let that person see the pureness of our intentions. But sometimes that person makes us cry and hurts us for the wrong reasons. That someone must have loved us but he has not loved us enough to make him stand for what he truly felt. Now, we are faced with the seemingly impossible task of forgetting.  We have burdened ourselves long enough. But we still can’t get out from this emotional trap. 

Let us remember that the more we try to forget someone we love the more painful letting go will become. Sometimes we never have to take that person out in our hearts at all, for he will always be there no matter how hard we try to drive him away.It isn’t his presence that made this difficult but it is our stubbornness to accept our destiny that aligns forgetting is next to impossible. We keep a cold face but deep in our hearts there still that lingering hope for a reconciliation. Somehow, we still believe that we can rekindle small embers and relight the fire that once burned in our hearts. 

This thought gives us hope but it also breeds the seeds of loneliness and despair. The only way to forget is to accept and the only way to move on is to look ahead and let the footprints of the past be blown by the wind of time. Only then can our hearts find a partner in the dance of life and hopefully never get lost again.